I know. It's been a long time since I posted something personal and sensible on this blog. There were many factors that contributed to my decision of choosing to lie low on my social media accounts as well as on my blogging sites. Well, the past few months (last quarter of 2016 and first month of 2017) were quite shaky for me. I knew I needed to take some time off to think about what's going on with my life and to reprogram myself so I became virtually invisible.The Black and White Story
A quick check on my Instagram feed, Twitter account and Facebook timeline will reveal one unusual thing about me: I started posting less. I am the type of person who shares almost everything online so when I had fewer status updates and online photos, it was kind of a big move for me. It came as a shock on my part as to how I was able to do it. Maybe the circumstances then were so strong that it forced me to take a big change. On some days, I would post photo updates but all were in black and white.
Shades of grays, no color -- this is how I would describe my life in the previous months. Sure I was happy but somewhere inside of me, I knew that I could be happier.
Now, the question is... Why black and white?
Fact: I associate almost everything to anything. For me, the "black and white" updates represented the dullness of life back then. I felt stuck. There was no motion. Everything was a routine and it was boring me. I was looking for something that would excite and make me feel more alive than ever. Unfortunately, it took a (very, very, very) long time before it came.
The "no-color" photos spoke of how I felt for everything and everyone. They evoked too much emotions. On the "black and white" months, I became more uptight. I had lesser connections with the people surrounding me. I lost touch with some friends and even lost some of them. It broke me. It broke my heart. I could say, it was the time when I absolutely reached rockbottom.
Then Things Started to Change
I actually thought I would never recover from all the bad things that happened to me when I hit rockbottom. I thought I would stay broken for a long time. Then one day, something changed. An epiphany. It was unexpected. It came at the right time. My perspective suddenly changed. I started to accept that things are beyond my control and that sometimes no matter how hard I try, people will always come and go. The most important realization of all: there was something wrong with me that I needed to change.
It kinda sucks that I had to lose some important people and opportunities before I could learn those lessons. Well, life isn't fair. I had to learn through the hard way. As of the moment, I'm trying to become a better version of me. Some people may like it, some may not. I think the important part here is that I am definitely a different person than I was in 2016 and the early days of 2017. I am a work in progress.
As to what was that epiphany, I don't think I'm ready to talk about it here. Maybe someday I will :) For now, let me leave you this screenshot from the movie "How I Met Your Mother". The line "But that's the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you plan it or not" is a reminder for all of us to just chill and let life take its course. Why worry when you can be happy?