Monday, September 7

When You Realize That Life Is Too Short

"I could die anytime." This is what I thought of as I walk around Davao City Memorial Park. The last time I went there was August 2015 for my law school org's activity. For 2015, I am back again at this familiar place for the same reason but this time, I have a different feeling. A sudden rush of emotions filled my entire system and I don't have an explanation for it. All I know was that there were some realizations that crossed my mind about the current circumstances in my life and the way I respond to them. As I looked at the tombstones, I started to think about the missed chances and opportunities of the people who are already dead. To be honest, it was a relief to know that I am still alive. Am I not lucky enough to still be here in this world and get to enjoy endless possibilities? 

Spending an hour at the cemetery opened my eyes to the fact that nothing in this life is absolute and certain. Everything is bound to change. What may matter today may no longer matter tomorrow. What does not have value today may become extra-special in the future. The most important realization of all is that I could die anytime… that tomorrow may not come for me. Hence, I need to make sense of my life every single day. I have to make sure that I do everything I want, tell the people close to me how much I love them, share happiness to everyone and do things that will remind people of Algene.

I have always seen life in the most positive way possible. Even if things get shitty and flippy, I just remind myself that things will get better someday. Yes, I am optimistic but at the same time, I’m also afraid of many things. I have been avoiding a lot of things for the past few years because I'm afraid of being in the "losing end" again. There was a point in my life when I literally felt that the world has turned its back on me. I wondered what wrong I did in the past to deserve to be in such an awful situation. Maybe I have lingered too long on that painful memory to the point that I kept my guards too high. You know, sometimes, I feel tired about all these and think of what could have happened if I was not too strong to keep people away nor too pretentious to show that I don't care.

Only one thing is for sure, from now on, I will just take every moment as they come. I will make sure that every single person in my life will feel much appreciated and loved. Even if I don't get the same affection and care from them, I don't care. What matters is that I have done (and will do) my part. To be selfless is my goal (but I'll never forget self-preservation). In case I die tomorrow, I just want to see that the people I'll leave behind will remember me as that fearless person who is not afraid of showing her emotions.

Life is too short to keep people away, to not trust those who deserve it, to worry about the uncertainties, to do something that offers no happiness and to stress about certain stuff. No regrets. No what ifs. No whys. Yes, it's okay to do crazy things. I believe all these will be worth it in the end. It's okay to keep my hopes high. It's okay to take chances. It's okay to be ready.

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