The dark days are over.
I’m back on track and everything in my life is falling back again to its right places. The first month of 2015 was beyond perfection. Almost all things worked out the way I wanted them to be but somewhere along the way, I found myself lost. Suddenly, my priorities started to change. Worse, it took me a long time to realize that I was no longer on the right path. February was a so-so month – there were happy and gloomy days. March was a complete struggle. I felt like things were falling apart – I stopped my online work, I became bored with blogging and I lost my interest in studying. The last blow came when my Tatay died on the second week of April. He was my mom’s only brother whom I have considered, since the beginning of time, as my second father. I was devastated but no one knew.
Cliche as it may sound but it seemed like the world has completely turned its back on me. Of course, no one close to me noticed that I was in pain --- that I was struggling. There were nights when I couldn't sleep thinking about random stuff. In fact, a part of my story was shared on The Struggle in Most Nights.
Whenever I show up at school, I wore my smile like everything is fine. I tried my best to show everyone that despite what's happening in my life, I'm still okay but deep down inside, I wanted to explode. Whenever I go out on dates with my friends, I laughed so hard in all their jokes and pretended that what I've been through did not affect me at all. It turned out to be a perfect play for no one really noticed how fvcked up everything was.
Then one day, I woke up with a very heavy heart. I was completely tired with every wrong thing in my life and it was right there when I told myself, "enough is enough." I tried my best to bounce back from all the heart-breaking moments I've been through for the past few months. Truth be told, it wasn't easy. However, with my determination to make all things right, I was able to succeed. I convinced myself that I cannot allow depression to take over me... that I deserve better. Without me knowing it, each day became easier. My feelings became lighter. My perspective about things have changed.
I'm not sure if I already achieved my happy ending. All that matters is that I'm perfectly happy right now. I've learned that: "Life is fucked up (at times). And beautiful."
Now, I'm just a sucker for happy uncomplicated days.