Monday, March 9

perfectly disturbed.

have you ever been scolded by jeepney drivers and you couldn’t say a thing because you know that they are absolutely and indeniably right? have you ever decided to cross a street without looking at the traffic lights? have you ever walked past through the pedestrian lane without even considering the vehicles running on the road? i just did.

right after the early dismissal of my humanities class, i headed to the comfort room and checked if i still look a human after not fixing myself for hours. then, i went to the automated teller machine (atm) located outside the school and realized that it was unavailable. i really needed to withdraw some money because i was broke and i couldn’t wait till tomorrow. so, even if i hate to walk past the claveria street (from ncx to city triangle), i decided to cross the street and went to the other atm. on my way to the atm near the city tri, i was almost hitted by the jeep. just imagine this, i was wearing my all-white uniform and just by one inch that the jeep will move, it will all be covered with blood. yeah, the first stupid thing i did for this week. many of my schoolmates saw what happened and to minimize my embarrassment i pretended to be okay when in fact, i was trembling. yikes. what if it really hits me? a scary thought. after i have finished the transaction in the atm, i waited for a taxi and remembered that i have to cross the street again to make a shortcut. without looking at the traffic light which was in green, i crossed the street and was almost hitted (again) by the jeep. the two drivers who almost got me into accident scolded me and asked me what was i thinking. i don’t just allow people to scold me in public (and especially in streets. duh.). i usually give them my answers even if i know it was my fault. but two hours ago, i just kept quiet and felt completely hopeless.

God, what is bringing me down these past few days? is it the upcoming exam week? is it the variety show i’m directing? is it the written paper i have to submit for my humanities class? is it the fact that i’m starting to be financially undisciplined? or is it because of regrets of driving away the man (or maybe still a boy.) i like so much? whatever the reason is, this feeling has to stop. i’m perfectly disturbed.

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